Just when you thought you got me all figured out...

She's expecting, what do you expect?


It's positive.

Bestfriend Cecille told me two weeks ago. Almost everyday that we see each other after office hours, I was kinda expecting this news. It's not hard to have a hunch - she's two weeks delayed, always grouchy and sluggish and craving for a particular dessert.

But nevertheless it was quite a moment seeing the lines on that pregnancy test kit. My bestfriend will have her little bundle of joy!

Three months ago, she desperately wanted to have a baby almost to the point of paranoia. What if I'm incapable of bearing a child of my own? What if there's something wrong with my ovaries? Questions that almost bore me to death but I was at the same time concerned that her worries were not at all baseless. She's been living with her boyfriend for almost five years but still no baby after trying almost everything.

I told her to consult an OB so that she'll know early on if there's something wrong. But she wouldn't budge, saying that she might not quite handle the bad news if it is. On hindsight, I told her what's the big deal with her not getting pregnant if she's not yet married in the first place. Maybe her baby is just waiting for divine blessing before coming about.

True enough, two weeks after getting married - she's now expecting!


I did not expect her to be such a pain in the ass now that she's pregnant. Her moodswings and tantrums were at an all-time high breaking existing record. She also became a hypochondriac, well... almost.

Why I said so? She's complaining about almost everything that she thinks will jeopardize the 1st semester of her pregnancy. She doesn't wanna walk for more than five meters, doesn't wanna stand up waiting for me for more than two minutes. It's as if she's gonna be ill any minute and she's always tired - might be a hormonal reaction but I feel like she's just overreacting and exaggerating. I mean, she's probably inventing these so - called pregnancy do's and don'ts which are just beyond logic and reason. She's using the baby as a reason to have it her way. I can't even have a single puff of my cigarette within one kilometer circumference of her!

She's really getting to my nerves lately. She cancels our dinner appointments 10 minutes before the agreed time saying that she had to go home to rest for the baby's sake. She would bug me with insecure questions whether her husband can survive nine months without you-know-what. As if I'm the authority to advice pregnant woman? If not for the fact that I am her bestfriend, she won't get away with all these.

You might think that I am this mean and selfish bestfriend but I really am happy and delighted that she's gonna have a baby. It's just that at her current state, things are now changing.

I always look forward to our usual chitchats after office hours and Friday gimmicks. But now, I can't even drag her to join me for a coffee and cigarette break, window/shopping or just hanging out at our fave joints if I want to. Now I am less motivated to go to work than I already am. Knowing that we will be spending the rest of the day after office hours having fun had helped me survive torturous eight hours of work. Now, I don't know what I'm gonna do. The idea of burying (and forcing) myself to work doesn't seem quite appealing.

I just hope nine months after, things will be the same as it used to be.=(

Let's all hope for a not-so-difficult and safe pregnancy of my best gurl. After all, I am really excited for my future godchild. Yes, another one but I'm not complaining. Having my bestfriend's child as my godchild is probably the next best thing to having my own.

On a Positive Note


I realized yesterday that I still have a softer, kinder side.

I can't recall the last time that I this felt humane, positively concern and genuinely happy for somebody else other than me, myself and Mharlon.

All it was a simple good luck and encouragement I had given a colleague on her way to a job interview yesterday. Alright, probably not as simple as that coz I actually said:

"Good luck on your job interview! But, what I really mean is BEST of luck on your upcoming interview."

I was a bit surprised in spite of myself after saying those words. I sounded or I am genuinely sincere that I almost can't believe it. I mean I actually meant every single damn word. I even have my fingers crossed hidden behind my back. All I was thinking that time is that my officemate really deserves to find a better job. The least I could do is to give her some encouragements.

She must've sensed an earnest intention from yours truly that all it took from her was a sincere and genuine thanks as well to send my good vibes to the stratosphere.

And while I'm at it, feeling rather good about myself, I joked that she need not worry on that job interview coz she's got not only good luck but the best of luck from me. I was asking myself the whole time after that:

"Mharlon, is that you?"

On a normal day, Complicated Dude is this ever whining and always complaining, apathetic and cynical, and self - centered biatch everybody seems to hate. But that time, my guardian angels were probably working double overtime. I felt good on what I just did/said and I also felt like a totally different person after that.

I never had the urge to smile at everyone but yesterday I did just that. I smiled at almost everyone I bumped into, passed by on the streets on my way home. And seeing them (some were strangers) smiling back made me believe that "Joy is the only thing that doubles if you give it away." Unless they thought I'm a lunatic, the smiles on their faces proved one more thing - smile is contagious.

"Life sucks, so do I!"

-is my current pc's screensaver. A loser's screensaver, I know now. I better change my display settings. I don't feel that way anymore.

And I just found out the good news. That officemate I wished luck yesterday, she just filed her resignation letter today.

Do Gays Fall In Love?


The question my straight friend and yosi-mate, Russel Crowe, not the actor of course, asked me not too long ago.

I was caught off guard, not sure whether to give an affirmative answer or otherwise. I remembered asking him why the question and why he wanted to know. If I had known him to have some homo inclination, I would have thought he's confessing his love for complicated dude, hehehe!

But he's as straight as he can be. So I had to cross that one out as a probable reason why he asked. Good thing coz I was beginning to formulate some weird theories in my head.

Turned out that Mr. Lover Boy, Russel, was having some love problems and I was the most convenient Joe D' Mango he could find that time.

Some of the questions I remember him asking me:

"How do you define love?"
"When can you say if it's true love or not?"
"When is love worth fighting for?"

I told him that I really have a jaded view of this thing called LOVE. But at the same time my mind was suddenly invigorated and surprisingly stimulated by these questions that I had to try answering them with all my jaded mind can muster. I was no help really coz everytime I offer consoling advices and words of wisdom, he would cut me off by saying:

"It's different coz you're gay and I'm straight."

I would then answer back with:

"It's just your straight guy's point of view."

To say that that one - afternoon cigarette pep talk between a straight guy and a gay guy was a waste of time - is the understatement of the century. Though we didn't end up in a shouting match or any of that sort, the conversation was utterly futile. After three sticks of cigarettes consumed, he ended up more confused and me still racking my brains on his first question until now.

Guess that's one thing I had to find out for myself first.

Too Late


I initially thought of posting some kinda confession here but this song just sums it all up for me.

It's about a certain guy that I wish I had treated better. I also wish that I haven't used him as much as I did.

I've fallen for him without meaning to, but too late for saying sorry I guess.

He said goodbye.

Fiona Apple

I’ve been a bad bad girl,I’ve been careless with a delicate man.
And it’s a sad sad world,When a girl can break a boy
Just because she can.

Don’t you tell me to deny it,I’ve done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins.I’ve come to you ’cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don’t know where I can begin.

What I need is a good defense’cause I’m feelin’ like a criminal.
And I need to be redeemed To the one I sinned against
Because he was all I ever knew of love.

Heaven help me for the way I am.
Save me from these evil deeds.Before I get them done.
I know tomorrow brings the consequence At hand.
But I keep livin’ this day like
The next will never come.

Oh, help me, but don’t tell me
To deny it.
I’ve got to cleanse myself.
Of all these lies till I’m good Enough for him.
I’ve got a lot to lose and i’m Bettin’ high So I’m beggin’ you before it ends
Just tell me where to begin.

Let me know the way Before there’s hell to pay.
Give me room to lay the law and let me go.

I’ve got to make a play To make my lover stay
So, what would an angel say? ’cause the devil wants to know.

Is He or Isn't He?


Sex does sells.

A number of local showbiz talk shows saw their sudden resurrection with ratings boost, not because of a more effective and audience-friendly format or less acknowledgement of personal sponsors but of... drumroll please!

Yes, you guessed it right - sex videos!

As if countless blind items on who's pregnant, who's gay, who broke up with whom, who snatched who from whom, were not enough - televiewers are being bombarded by these sleazy, lascivious and utterly despicable features.

I am not to say that these videos have zero - entertainment value because I even have quite a lot on my cellphone. What is disturbing is that they show these on national tv and on primetime. And do we care? Do you care what these self - proclaimed celebrities doing during their free time? Especially their infamous extra-curricular activities and sidelines?

Recently, one popular actor (I need not name his cause... as I've said 'popular :lol:) recently became the victim of this trick. It's almost common knowledge to the gay community about his sexual preference but showing the video and insinuating that he's the guy in the video, is really uncalled for and just plain foul. If he is gay and wants to keep mum about it, I guess his detractors better let him be. It's his choice anyways.

It's a showbiz cliche when they say that "Bad publicity is still publicity". Well honestly, this publicity is downright damaging and malicious.

I'm not going in defense of this actor but it is really hard to tell if he really is the one in the sex video or not. I have a copy of the actor's alleged sex video and though the guy bore some resemblance to the actor, it's not that conclusive.

I just hope that local entertainment industry cooperate and compensate each other to the betterment of their industry as a whole. Rather going down to a level as low as this, why not perfect their craft and produce quality films? Who knows, our country might be nominated as Oscar's Best Foreign Language Film.

Oops. I know I just raised my (false) hopes too high. =(



It's been a very busy and exhausting week for me.

There's the on-going external audit coupled with March 2005 closing of books that had the Finance group working double/over time. Some even had to stay overnight just to beat the deadline and submit the audit scheds. I even contemplated on doing the same but decided against it in favor of a decent sleep - four hours.

Only now that I realize that the field I chose is quite demanding - physically and mentally. Had I known, I would've taken up other course and not accounting. But I'm a certified one now so I guess I just have to deal with it.

Thanks to these two for keeping me company. Music definitely kept my sanity during those dreadfully over-extended hours of work, work and more work.

Updating my blog had to wait. I'm working on a new template and there's still a lot to be done. We're not as busy now so if things fall into their proper places, my newly made-over blog will be greeting this page next week.

Happy weekend Everyone!

About me

Last posts

Archived Blahs

Complicated Friends and Links


ATOM 0.3